Make that Marriage Work!

Sometimes last year, hubby (then fiancé) and I attended marriage counseling sessions with a team of ‘successfully’ married folks at our church. By that I mean people whose marriages have been up and down and sometimes on the verge of a divorce but whose determination to make it work kept them going. Some of them had been married for decades while some were young couples.

At the completion of the sessions, we came to a conclusion: THE ONLY THING THAT KEEP MARRIED FOLKS MARRIED IS DETERMINATION!


It is true that there should be large doses of TRUST, COMPANIONSHIP and COMMUNICATION for ANY marriage to work. But it is also true that these three tools are needed for any relationship at all to work. You will agree with me that marriage is a lot deeper than friendship though FRIENDSHIP IS THE FOUNDATION FOR MARRIAGE.


In a friendship, I am not bound to stay friends with someone irrespective of who they are. I may choose not to be friends with my sister or that childhood friend. But marriage is a BIGGER commitment.


Friendship in marriage cannot be allowed to wane. If the luxury of being friends with one another takes a back seat, friendships that are deep and intimate can develop in other places resulting in emotional, and even physical relationships.

In marriage, you are committed to each other’s life choices. You are each other’s BEST FRIENDS even when you have other friends. You are partners who believe in each other and can make extreme sacrifices just to maintain the partnership.


Just like other relationship relationships, marriages have their points of conflict which can be influenced by a million issues. It could be money, sex, respect, health issues, gender roles, in-laws, parenting or disasters. It could be as big as cheating or as small as snoring.


Making a marriage work shouldn’t be a function of avoiding a divorce. It should be efforts made on a daily basis to ensure a healthy marriage. Efforts made to build trust, respect each other’s opinions and feelings, and communicate irrespective of the situation. Efforts made to assure your spouse that their life is safe and will advance in your hands.


Marriages are never made in heaven. We make heavens out of our marriages by having a strong determination to make it work no matter what. I have seen fire-brand born again Christians who could not stop their marriages from sinking like the Titanic. I have heard of men of God who could not keep their marriages above water. I have also seen several unbelievers make a mess of their marriages.


I also know many people whose marriages have stood the test of time: people who never ‘managed’ their marriages. I know those who sacrificed individual ‘happiness’ for the success of their marriages. I know some who stayed and suffered for the sake of their children. I even know a few whose marriages have been as smooth as butter devoid of the many hiccups and storms that characterize average marriages.


Sadly, I have seen many a marriage that ended up in divorce. Some were due to irreconcilable differences while some to sheer selfishness and individualism.


True, there are issues beyond reconciliation but would you agree that these issues could have been averted only if daily efforts have been made to make the marriage work?


So dearest, before you walk into that marriage or while you are in it. Take a deep breath and come to terms with the fact that THERE IS NO GOING BACK. At least going back shouldn’t be an option for you.


You MUST do everything it takes to make it work. Making it work may not ALWAYS be fun but even if it isn’t fun, decide to do it often enough that it becomes a habit. HABITS ARE FUN.


With a positive mind you can make that marriage work and live happily ever after.

YES YOU CAN!

Escape Mission!

I really can't remember the last time I wrote anything other than office reports but I guess it'll come easy; isn't it the same as picking up car keys after months of inaction?

Lately, I have been doing a lot of self appraisal and I have come to the conclusion that I have just been too lazy to do anything creative apart from experiment with soups and pastries. 

Usually a restless soul, my routine life just became so boring that anything different got me buzzing around. A few weeks ago, I decided to try new things so I noted some activities that could get me my groove back.

The first was to watch 80% of the World Cup matches. To achieve this, I started searching for mobile devices that could pick TV signals. My research yielded many results and of all, I settled for a China made phone (choice was based on the price: very cheap). I wasn't comfortable with the idea of using China phones especially when my colleagues whom I had told of my plot discouraged me emphasizing that China phones are notorious for noise generation and that they usually 'peme' before you say Jack Robinson. So, I abandoned activity one though I'll still watch some matches (at home).

Having failed to hatch a successful getaway from boredom via China phones, I embarked on another escape route: cooking. Since I had a flair for culinary affairs, this route seemed the solution at the onset. I started with dishes I couldn't make. In just a week of trial, my husband was already complaining that his meals were late and he could not join me in the cooking since he had no idea (most times) what I was doing.

The first trial and error dish was Edikaikong soup which I must say came out very fine. Enthusiastically,  I did a repeat performance days after and to my disappointment it lacked the attitude the first one had. Despite that I tagged it my all sea animals dish. My guests were lots of crayfish, crab, dry & fresh fish, periwinkles and some stock fish. While I kept bothering myself that the soup didn't come out well, hubby ate a big dish and helped himself to more. (I always thank God for little mercies; the guy will gladly eat any meal I make whether good or less good without complaining)

With the second trial a flop, soups became a no-go-area for me. So I stuck with Ogbono, Egusi, Gbegiri & Ewedu and okro. I did a few trials with Wake (not sure of the spelling but it is a flour based meal which comes out exactly like Akara but for the taste. Its a favourite of the Hausa's) and coconut rice. All of these gladly munched by hubby who would honestly criticize the trial meals. (Yeah hubby, when I finish with my experimentations, I hardly eat them. Most times I soak Garri in chilled water and eat with groundnut)

Overtime, cooking also became boring so I turned my attention to hubby. The guy would try as hard as he could to entertain me in the evenings (we would see movies indoors on weekdays, listen to ABBA and gist and re-gist) but again, the beams of boredom find me and I am back to square one.

So last night, after an heart to heart with hubby, he advised I started blogging. I truly didn't understand why he would see that as a solution. He explained that the activities I needed weren't physical but psychological. I had to send messages to my mind that I am busy (since blogging required lots of thinking and research). 

Instantly, I left the bed to get the machine (that's what we call the laptop). When I finally settled to sleep I had more than enough ideas to blog both old and new.

Already, I see this as a challenge and that alone gives me pleasure and assurance that Mr. Boredom (O.O.N) has just lost his position as my No 1 tormentor.  

Here's a toast to the refill of the adrenaline bank in moi, the beginning of an interesting adventure and the success of  African teams in the World Cup!