Make that Marriage Work!

Sometimes last year, hubby (then fiancé) and I attended marriage counseling sessions with a team of ‘successfully’ married folks at our church. By that I mean people whose marriages have been up and down and sometimes on the verge of a divorce but whose determination to make it work kept them going. Some of them had been married for decades while some were young couples.

At the completion of the sessions, we came to a conclusion: THE ONLY THING THAT KEEP MARRIED FOLKS MARRIED IS DETERMINATION!


It is true that there should be large doses of TRUST, COMPANIONSHIP and COMMUNICATION for ANY marriage to work. But it is also true that these three tools are needed for any relationship at all to work. You will agree with me that marriage is a lot deeper than friendship though FRIENDSHIP IS THE FOUNDATION FOR MARRIAGE.


In a friendship, I am not bound to stay friends with someone irrespective of who they are. I may choose not to be friends with my sister or that childhood friend. But marriage is a BIGGER commitment.


Friendship in marriage cannot be allowed to wane. If the luxury of being friends with one another takes a back seat, friendships that are deep and intimate can develop in other places resulting in emotional, and even physical relationships.

In marriage, you are committed to each other’s life choices. You are each other’s BEST FRIENDS even when you have other friends. You are partners who believe in each other and can make extreme sacrifices just to maintain the partnership.


Just like other relationship relationships, marriages have their points of conflict which can be influenced by a million issues. It could be money, sex, respect, health issues, gender roles, in-laws, parenting or disasters. It could be as big as cheating or as small as snoring.


Making a marriage work shouldn’t be a function of avoiding a divorce. It should be efforts made on a daily basis to ensure a healthy marriage. Efforts made to build trust, respect each other’s opinions and feelings, and communicate irrespective of the situation. Efforts made to assure your spouse that their life is safe and will advance in your hands.


Marriages are never made in heaven. We make heavens out of our marriages by having a strong determination to make it work no matter what. I have seen fire-brand born again Christians who could not stop their marriages from sinking like the Titanic. I have heard of men of God who could not keep their marriages above water. I have also seen several unbelievers make a mess of their marriages.


I also know many people whose marriages have stood the test of time: people who never ‘managed’ their marriages. I know those who sacrificed individual ‘happiness’ for the success of their marriages. I know some who stayed and suffered for the sake of their children. I even know a few whose marriages have been as smooth as butter devoid of the many hiccups and storms that characterize average marriages.


Sadly, I have seen many a marriage that ended up in divorce. Some were due to irreconcilable differences while some to sheer selfishness and individualism.


True, there are issues beyond reconciliation but would you agree that these issues could have been averted only if daily efforts have been made to make the marriage work?


So dearest, before you walk into that marriage or while you are in it. Take a deep breath and come to terms with the fact that THERE IS NO GOING BACK. At least going back shouldn’t be an option for you.


You MUST do everything it takes to make it work. Making it work may not ALWAYS be fun but even if it isn’t fun, decide to do it often enough that it becomes a habit. HABITS ARE FUN.


With a positive mind you can make that marriage work and live happily ever after.

YES YOU CAN!